Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
