mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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