we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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