soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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