i need an iv and a liver transplant
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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