my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
