Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
