So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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