I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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