The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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