dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
