don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
