Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
zippers are such a cool invention
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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