Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
