either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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