you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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