yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
