we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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