this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
