what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
