I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This house was built for laser tag.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The uberlube is also flammable
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
