Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
