I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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