no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
