if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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