I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
