I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
