Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We are all done wearing pants today
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
