Buhtt sex?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
