I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize
