You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
