Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
