Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
