I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
