There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's great music for shaving your balls
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
