I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
