Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
