they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
