My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
