you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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