If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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