im holly from the hills drunk
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
