i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
