i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
