Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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