she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
