Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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