you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
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If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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