Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize