You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
