i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
