Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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