the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
