went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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