i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
