I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize