Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
