my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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