its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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