i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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