My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
