she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
