If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I pour the whiskey from now on
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
