I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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