She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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