Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
